avoid being a doormat

Your Kink Advisor- Mistress Violet

The Question:  What is a “doormat” and how do you know if you are one?

In books and forums I have seen people write about “true submission” as caring only about what your dominant wants, and putting your own desires aside.  I have to admit, I find it appealing to think that my Mistress’s needs come before my own.  Does this potentially make me a “doormat”?

In my defense, I certainly have opinions and desires, and would want to express those at appropriate times, but I would get great satisfaction knowing that, in most cases, her desires come first.


My Answer:

Avoid Being a Doormat

When someone refers to a person being a “doormat” they mean that the person is allowing people to treat them badly, with disrespect, and emotionally walk all over them.

Since you state that you do have opinions and desires and are willing and able to state them as needed, I do not believe you fit the description of a “doormat”.

Doormats in BDSM

It is important to remember that there are all sorts of BDSM relationships.  As long as both parties agreed to the D/s negotiations for the relationship and both are satisfied with the arrangement, then no one is being a “doormat”.

It is a choice to be submissive, or to be a slave.  It is a choice to give up your free will to your Mistress/Master.  Most subs and slaves consider it an honor.  If you asked someone outside of the lifestyle to give their opinion, they would likely judge it harshly, but that would be an opinion based on lack of knowledge of power exchange.

True Submission

If you asked a group of dominants and submissive what “true submission” means, you would get a wide variety of answers.  That is because it is subject to opinion.

A true submissive or slave does want to please their dominant, more than they want to please themselves.  That is a major aspect of being submissive.  If it gives you pleasure to put her first, it is not self abusive in the least.

Bottom Line

Try not to worry too much about your desire to please.  It only matters that you are happy and your Mistress is pleased with your service.  If you find yourself in a position where your needs are not being met, you will know it and be smart enough to address it before things are irreparable.

That is the best way to ensure you avoid being a doormat.