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By Empress Violet, on January 5th, 2012
 Ms Violet 800-601-6975 The Question
Are there any tell-tale signs that indicate that a women you meet in the vanilla world might have sexually dominant tendencies?
For example, I have a wonderful yoga teacher who has many vanilla traits I find attractive. She also likes to push me to do things that are on the edge of what I am capable of. It causes her great joy when I succeed.
Somehow, that just seems to suggest that maybe she could enjoy a sexually dominant role in a relationship. I know that may be a little of a stretch. But are there any giveaway signs of a woman who has a dominant side?
Seeking-a-mistress-in-Texas
My Answer
First I want to address the difference between a person having a dominant side, and being a Dominant. These are two very different things.
Many people have dominant traits and are dominant in their dealings with people. That does not make them a Dominant.
Being a Dominant is part of a person’s sexuality and nature. This is why I advise you to forget about finding a woman you like and then discovering if she is open to being your Mistress.
Where to Look
I have said it before, to many callers, and I will say it here as well. You need to go where the Dominant women are. Whether you seek a sensual Mistress, or a strict one; you will find them in two places for sure:
1. Local lifestyle chapters. If you do not know what I mean by that, email me and I will give you details. Look for these groups online. Contact them and find out when their next “Munch” is. This is a casual social gathering where Dominants and submissives meet at a restaurant, have a meal, and get to know one another. If you like that, consider attending an event at the club.
2. Online lifestyle sites such as alt.com; Fetlife.com; and others. These sites cater to Dominants and submissives. Fetlife.com caters specially to Dominant women and submissive men; so that is a great place to start. But I have had excellent experiences with meeting lifestyle partners on alt.com.
It’s a Process
Give this some time. When you know you need a partner who is into female domination, it will take longer to find the right person. Think about it…you will need to find someone with the usual qualities you seek AND kinks that work with yours. Look everywhere you can, meet a lot of women, session with them when it’s right, and take your time.
The right Mistress will be worth the wait.
Your Experiences
Have you found a lifestyle partner? How did you go about your search? What advice would you give to someone just beginning their search?
Feel free to leave comments here. They can be invaluable to my readers.
Have a question for me? Email your femdom Mistress at violet@enchantrixempire.com. Put “YourKinkAdvisor Question” in the subject line. I will answer your question here in my blog.
By Empress Violet, on October 27th, 2011
 Ms Violet 800-601-6975 The Question
Wearing Women’s panties is something i find very arousing both on my own and as part of a D/s experience with a Woman. Just thinking about it gets my heart beating a little faster. Wearing them sends warm sensations up and down my body. Wearing them for a Woman gets me in a hot yet submissive mood. i’m not a sissy. i am just a typical guy who finds himself drawn to wearing Women’s panties (both my own panties and panties owned by Women).
Is it odd for me to have this type of fetish? Is it okay for me to embrace it? What can i do to further my exploration of this fetish?
Thank You for Your time.
Sincerely,
little luke
My Advice
Thank you for writing to me about your enjoyment of wearing panties. I know coming out and asking like this is not easy, but this is a great place to get answers to these questions that have been bothering you. A few of your statements give me a lot of information about you. You are not into feminization. You enjoy women and consider yourself a typical guy. I presume by that, you mean heterosexual.
So it seems that you are what is known as a Panty Boy. A straight man who happens to enjoy wearing panties, or other lingerie.
Is it Odd?
No, it is a fetish. Most people have at least one. You are far from alone. I invite you to visit my blog on the topic of men wearing panties. You will find that you are far from alone in enjoying the touch of pretty panties on your flesh. It is actually quite a popular fetish, and one I consider to be mild. What I mean by that is that many women would be okay with their man wearing panties.
Some men are all about the fabric itself and how it feels on their body. Others like the taboo angle they feel there is to wearing panties. Some, I have known, were introduced to the fetish by a woman in their life, so they learned to embrace it.
Is it Okay?
Absolutely! I encourage you to allow yourself to explore it; and enjoy it to the fullest your circumstances will allow. The thing about a fetish is that they run deep in a person’s psyche. They do not go away. By indulging in your panty fetish on a regular basis, it lessens the potential that your fetish will build to a boil, spew out and upset your life in ways you would not enjoy.
Wear panties under your man clothes when you can. Wearing panties to work adds a special dash of excitement!
Furthering the Fun
There are a lot of ways to increase the fun you are having with wearing panties. Some of them include shopping, whether online or in person; trying panty stroking games, which you can find on my panty boy blog, and getting your partner involved. If you do not know how to approach that, consider setting up a phone sex session for couples.
In a phone sex session, you can discuss the details of how you can have more panty wearing fun!
By Empress Violet, on October 7th, 2011
 The Letter
When I am in session with my Mistress, I feel very feminine. Also, when I am crossdressed, I feel like a woman. But I can’t be in session or in female clothing all of the time. What can I do to feel more feminine on a day-to-day basis? Especially interested in very discreet ways.
Signed…Pretty in Pink
Dressing
I strongly suggest wearing something feminine every day, if you can. It can be panties, stockings, a camisole, necklace, or even a lovely unisex cologne. Having at least one item on your body, as you go about your day, keeps you in touch with your feminine side. A subtle reminder of this very important aspect of who you are without letting anyone else know your secret.
Entertainment
Listen to music women love, watch chick flicks, pick up Oprah magazine and thumb through it. This puts you in a female state of mind. Because feeling feminine is also about your mind. What you are thinking about, and the type of input your brain gets. Doing this also gives you something to chat about with women friends.
Girlfriends
This leads into another important part of feeling feminine: having at least one girl friend to do girly things with. It could be a salad lunch out, chatting over coffee, discussing a movie, talking about fashions…anything that you enjoy doing with your girl friends. There is something special about being “one of the girls”.
A girl friend can be found at work, amongst your current friends, at the coffee shop, the book store. Just about anywhere you run into women!
Around the House
Try doing feminine household tasks, such as dusting, baking, cooking, laundry. Some of these chores may be currently handled by the woman of the house. She will be thrilled to have you take them over, and will not know it is to help yourself stay in a female frame of mind.
One of my sissies has found special pleasure in doing housework in a frilly, 50′s style apron when home alone. He enjoys getting into a Donna Reed head space.
Meditations
A custom meditation can reinforce both your desire to feel feminine, and your goals in that direction. I recently had a sissy call me and read me the meditation she wrote in my honor. I will let her tell you more about that.
Meditations for Mistress Violet
As a part of my devotions to Mistress Violet, i have developed a Meditation for Mistress that is part of my daily routine. i do affirm this several times a day. It serves as an affirmation that helps to properly fix my thoughts and mind set for each day. Affirmations can be a powerful tool for behavior and for me it helps me to focus on my feminization, my submission and my commitment to Mistress Violet. i offer it here as a an example that others my choose to adapt as they pursue this grand adventure in discovery and realization.
My name is susan and i belong to Mistress Violet as one of her submissives. With her guidance, the reality of my feminization and the completeness of my submission grow stronger every day. i love the feminine touches that are becoming more and more present daily, in style and appearance, physical gestures and ways of seeing and feeling the world around me. i like it best when wearing sexy panties, a pretty dress and a sweet perfume. i joyfully embrace my submission to Mistress Violet offering myself to her control and feeling the power of her embrace as Mistress.
Today and everyday i will make a special place for my thoughts and devotions to Mistress Violet and i will strive as best i can to be a good submissive wife. i fully believe in female supremacy in relationships with men and in the essential beauty of the male offering himself fully in submission to a strict and caring Mistress. i view my feminization and my submission as paths of self improvement. In this spirit i place myself at the feet of Mistress Violet and will do my best to please her. i know that i crave her approval as well as her strict direction and control. i will proudly eat my cum for her whenever release is permitted as an expression of my submission and devotion. i am grateful to Mistress for accepting me for training and i will do my best to be worthy of that honor.
Conclusion
I hope you gained at least one idea that will work for you. These are but a few suggestions. If my readers have other suggestions, I welcome you to post them here as a comment.
 Ms Violet-Your Kink Advisor
By Empress Violet, on October 3rd, 2011
 A Casual Event The Letter
My first lifestyle club munch is finally scheduled. I have no idea what to expect. What do I do? How do I act? Do I just sit submissively in the corner? Do I venture out and talk to people? I want to find some one to share my fantasies. I am an older man who has wanted to be submissive to a woman for a long time. Won’t most people my age have already made contacts into the community?
Signed…Eager to be a pet
My Response
A munch is a casual gathering of kinky minded people. Usually they meet at a public place, such as a local restaurant. Dress code is most often casual. No one will be wearing clearly dominant or submissive clothing. They like to keep things vanilla in public settings. This makes it a very easy event for newbies to attend.
You will sit around a table, talking, having something to eat and drink. A munch is about getting a feel for the members of a lifestyle club, and they for you.
What You Do
Be yourself. Shake hands, introduce yourself, ask questions, talk with people. While there is no need to be particularly submissive, it is a good idea if you do not dominate the conversation, talk too loudly, or ask questions that could be construed as too personal. If people ask, let them know that you are submissive. Most will already know that about you. Yes, there is such a thing as a sub-dar. *smile* There will be other submissives there for you to talk with and this becomes important if you decide to attend the club.
The Partner Pool
I applaud your desire to find a lifestyle dominant to share your fetishes with. That is the ideal situation. Kinky clubs are a great place to meet potential partners, and play partners as well. What I mean by that is dominant women who do not have a partner, but wish to scene with you either at the club or in private. To “scene” is to actually explore your mutual fetishes together. It could be foot worship, male chastity, flogging, body worship, spanking, or other fun activities.
Your age is irrelevant. There will be people in a wide range of ages at most kinky clubs. While many will be coupled up, some dominant women will be seeking additional partners, and others will be between partners and looking for someone just as you are.
What Then?
If you have a good time at the munch, and you like the people there, you may want to arrange a visit at the club itself. A good first club visit can be an educational night. There are usually regular classes on topics such as fire play, rope bondage, and puppy play. Most people wear street clothing. You will be visiting with people you met at the munch, sitting and watching a demonstration, asking questions, then chatting with people afterward. Another easy event to attend, even as a submissive attending alone.
If any of you have other questions about a munch, leave me a comment. If you have a fetish question of your own, email it to me: violet@enchantrixempire.com. Please your Mistress and put “Your Kink Advisor” in the Subject Line.
 Your Kink Advisor- Mistress Violet
By Empress Violet, on August 15th, 2011
 The Letter
I am a totally straight male. I love wearing high heels, nylon stockings, and other feminine clothing. I live in a house with four girls. None of them know that I consider myself to be the fifth girl in the house. One of the girls did catch me crossdressing one day. She is cool about it. Even gives me her cast-offs. She allows me to dress in her room. One day she caught me masturbating in her room. She was really upset about this, so I told her the truth. That I really love her clothes. They excite me.
She started teasing me about the small size of my penis. My first taste of small penis humiliation. Once, this same girl jerked me off into one of her worn stockings. She has taken photos of me dressed in her clothing, and makes me go for drives with her. Threatening to stop at one of her friend’s homes to show me off as her cute boy toy. This girl makes me clean the house dressed as a girl. I get such an erotic rush being put in such a helpless situation. Of course I have to satisfy her orally after she has been with her boyfriend. She allows me to clean up his mess from his huge cock. I didn’t like it at first, but now feel it’s a small price to pay to lick such a beautiful pussy.
So we have a really good arrangement and I am so happy. My question is…should I keep going with the arrangement or should I get a life?
Signed,
Happy as rita
My Answer
What you have there is a cuckold relationship rita. Clearly you are enjoying yourself and very happy in the situation. This leads me to wonder why you even have to ask if you should get a life. When it comes to creating a life for yourself, as long as you are not hurting someone else (who does not beg to be hurt), then all that matters is whether YOU are happy.
Falling Into It
I have so many callers asking me how to get involved in a cuckolding relationship and you just fell into one. Lucky you! Since both you and the girl involved are having a good time, I see no reason for you to leave the situation. Being a cuckold is just being involved in a different type of relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. You are all consenting adults and having fun with your cuckold humiliation.
Peer Pressure
Perhaps you are asking this question because you are feeling some pressure to live a so-called “normal” life. Get a girlfriend, date, live together, etc. But the thing is, rita, it is NOT their lives we are talking about. It is yours! So all that matters is whether you are happy living your life the way you are. It is obvious that you are having a fabulous time being feminized, experiencing public humiliation, and being this girl’s cuck. I am betting that a whole lot of guys will read this posting and be very jealous of you. So relax…keep doing what you are doing, as long as you are enjoying it! *smile*
Guy’s Point of View
I would love to hear from some of you guys and sissies reading my blog. What advice would YOU give to rita? Feel free to leave your comments here. I am sure some of you have a strong opinion about rita’s sex life.
By Empress Violet, on July 12th, 2011
The Letter
Is there a particular style of panties that you recommend for sissies? I have noticed, for example, that while a thong might be very sexy on a woman, it does not work that well for me whether I am tucking or not.
Yours,
Desperately Seeking Panties
My Answer
Since this blog . . . → Read More: Recommending Panties for Men
By Empress Violet, on May 30th, 2011
Looking Smooth!
The Letter
Do you have any thoughts on how to “tuck” properly? Is there a good method for achieving a nice “feminine” look down there?
Sincerely,
Poking Out in the Midwest
What Tucking Means
If you are a sissy, or a cross dresser, perhaps even a panty boy…you . . . → Read More: Tucking With Style
By Empress Violet, on April 29th, 2011
Safety First Question
How about…. finding dick! How can you find dick that is safe to suck (clean)? ‘Specially if you are into the perfect stranger fantasy.
HG
My Answer
This letter had me chuckling a little bit. Your safest bet is to take yoga classes and work toward sucking your own cock. . . . → Read More: Finding a Safe Dick to Suck
By Empress Violet, on April 21st, 2011
Ms Violet Tells It Like It Is
The Question I have often heard about “topping from the bottom”. Even been accused of it. But we are told to be good communicators. I think this creates a blurry, gray area. Also, one of the things I have been told is a positive . . . → Read More: Topping From the Bottom
By Empress Violet, on April 15th, 2011
Your Kink Advisor- Ms Violet
The Letter
What kind of chastity device do you recommend?
Do you think a device is more effective or just “mental” chastity as it were, denying orgasm it the Mistress’s orders but not locking the penis away?
Yours,
little chris
My Answer
The right chastity device depends on . . . → Read More: Best Chastity Device
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